पानी था

पानी था

नदी थी, तालाब था,

या शायद सैलाब था,

नाँव थी, पतवार थी,

पतवार चला रहे थे हम।

ऊँची इमारत थी,

छत थी, सीढ़ी थी,

पर मुँडेर पर लटके थे हम,

कोई मदद को आ रहा था,

वहीं अटके थे हम।

कहीं दूर गए थे,

कुछ काम था, देर हो रही थी,

काम हुया नही था, 

पर निबटाना था, 

वापस घर जाना था।

बारिश थी, 

पुल था, नदी थी,

बाढ़ आ रही थी शायद,

सन्नाटा बहुत था,

घर जा रहे थे हम।

नींद थी,

थकान थी, सोच परेशान थी,

घर कमरा बिस्तर दिखते ही

लेट गए थे, सोना था,

पर आँखे बंद की और देखा,

पानी था !

Happy New Year 2019 !

Year 2019 has arrived with a smile,
2018 just went by;
Taught about Love, care, gratitude and patience,
Guided in stress, anger, attitude and resistance;
Family, Friends, Colleagues, Collegiates,
Yeasayers, Naysayers, Supervisors, Subordinates,
In your absence there would be no meaning,
My earth wouldn't revolve, my heart wont be beating;
Some of you loved me for what I was,
Others found me failing in many tasks;
All in all the year kept me full,
With challenges, cheers, and rare moments of lull;
Will cherish each moment, person and relation,
Acknowledging feelings, emotions and expressions;
Thank You for being yourself in front and rear,
Wishing you all a very Happy New Year !

'9 months' of Mom To Be - Chapter 3

Somebody recently asked me, 'how does it feel to be pregnant?', and surprisingly I was at loss of words. I started recollecting those 10-11 months; how did it really feel, month by month, each trimester with its own story gave different set of emotions. This post has the entire drama of my pregnancy captured so is a long one !

As shared in one of my previous blogs, it all started in Nov 2016 with the decision, followed by planned and medically supervised conception. Nov-Dec were the times of maximum anxiety; whether we were under right guidance, whether things would work well for us, what if they did't, how far   would we take the support of science and such endless considerations kept us on our heels.

With highest number of visits to doctor ever in a span of 2 months, one fine day I was browsing the internet about 'false positive' results in home pregnancy test kits. We had heard of so many challenges that people face with attempts of supported conception that my first test giving those faint positive was too incidental, and they were faint, (like too faint), so I was sure of incorrect result. But all over internet, each blog and QnA said that only explanation to false positive result of this test is that 'it was positive', which was unbelievable. Next step was blood test for HCG levels, that too was positive; then day 3 HCG levels ( in case pregnant HCG doubles each day). That day when my husband returned from workplace, his fist words were 'whats the result?' and my answer was a tiny baby cap with chocolates and the result that said my levels had increased 4 times; so yes, my pregnancy was established. There were smiles, sparkle in eyes, and a mood of elation at home, if things went well for next 8-9 months, we would be 'mumma-daddy' to our bundle of joy.

Besides my husband and some of my girlfreinds whom I consulted during my confusion of really being pregnant or not, first ones to hear the news were my parents. I somehow feel that they were happier than I was; I still had my apprehensions and anxiety , but my mapa stood rock solid with me and throughout encouraged our baby plans. If it weren't for them I would not have had half as comfortable gestation period as I had.

So yes I was pregnant and entire universe was at my service to keep me healthy, happy and safe. We all have heard stories of morning sickness and food cravings during pregnancy, and here I was waiting for them. Morning sickness was nowhere around, instead I had evening nausea that kept food craving at bay, and made me have food aversions instead. Thus most of my first trimester was about discovering and acknowledging my pregnancy.I feared evenings as they brought acidity and nausea that caused strong dislike for many (once enjoyed) foods and smells. I kept reading what would help, but realized that no remedy actually efficiently works, one has to sail through it. Only thing that I comfortably ingested was sweet-sour-salty Banana chaat (bananas + black-salt + sugar + chat masala + lemon juice + chilies). There were some peaceful days too, when I could breathe in the smells and eat curry and roti, but such nights made my caring husband worried, and even question me. 'is everything ok inside, why are you behaving so normal?'. :)

As we stepped into my second trimester (my entire home was living my pregnancy together), it was time to get some tests and scans done to ensure that everything was going well, and probably even see our little baby cozying in my belly. I was scanned for about an hour, even made to take an ice-cream break (oh I was so craving for strawberry ice-cream that day) and scanned again to show us a smiling, almost waving, cross legged tiny cute creature in my tummy (though the pictures handed by radiologist made it look like an alien baby :P). We were so happy that I remember taking a small trip around the nearby touristy places and lunching at our favorite restaurant. 

With my baby growing inside, my tummy too was visibly growing with each passing week and so was the attention from all. Almost everyone pictured himself/herself as my counselor and enlightened me with some golden advice for healthy baby, normal delivery, early recovery and/or every possible thing they could. I mostly was all ears,but at times only showed a listening face while merely hearing. This was the most comfortable time of pregnancy with nausea gone, weight not yet pinnacled and aroused taste buds awakening the foodie within. I was shopping, eating-out, nesting and was happily productive at workplace too.

Then started the final countdown of third trimester. My rapidly growing weight made my entire wardrobe fail as my weighing scale was showing numbers I could never have imagined.  The weight and big tummy made it very difficult to sleep comfortably, and I was almost always out of breath. Anxiety was at its peak with so much to be done before my baby came into our lives; baby shopping, sanitizing home, maternity/nursing wear, hospital bag, winding up pending tasks at office and all this while being extremely careful with my huge body on tiny feet. I was doing everything as per a checklist and I knew that as things were getting struck off, so was my baby readying itself to step out. I had been quite active throughout the 9 months, had been doing 30min yoga sessions and 40min walk, but with finale nearing all was to be intensified and oriented for a normal delivery. I was even taking stairs now, doing more squats, and many more additional exercises while carrying extra 25kgs (many including my doc advised to sweep floors in 9th month but I really gave deaf ear to that).

My due date was mid Sept, but on 30-Aug visit my doc said I could have my baby anytime then; this gave  us all butterflies in stomach. Since my dad and hubby both worked more than 30km away, they decided to take turns to stay at home for until I delivered.We started rechecking our lists to ensure our readiness, if everything was bought/packed, if home was baby ready, if clothes and covering for baby were ready or not; I was reiterating the things to be done/picked by my family when the time comes. We always kept our bags in vicinity if in case we had to rush. I was worried of traffic jams and diversions and curfews, that make the Bollywood protagonists deliver while on way to hospital, whereas my mom was worried of hurrying in middle of night. One week passed and nothing happened, no pain, no contractions, so no show, On 07-Sep we visited doc again, and again she said anytime now, even gave some tips/tricks to induce contractions naturally. Also said that after due date (16-Sep) she would recommend to get admitted as delaying further will make things troublesome for mother as well as baby. I further intensified my exercise, drank a lot of ghee, even consumed castor oil and followed various suggestions to induce labor, but nothing happened. It was Friday 15-Sep and 2 weeks since 30-Aug were over, I was due on Saturday and was anyway to be admitted on Sunday evening, I was quiet upset to realize that my body was not working the way I wanted to, At 6am on Saturday morning my husband left for railway station to pick my in-laws and at about 8am I knew that my baby was coming exactly on my Expected Delivery Date.

With regular and intense contractions I met my doc around noon, got admitted at 1pm and with a lot of labor and hardwork, I saw my little angel at about 6pm in the evening.

My tummy was lighter, I could breath easily, I was sore and tired and hungry, I felt too emotional; I was a mom now, life would never be same again; and I would so very miss being pregnant !

Mommy to the 'Mom-to-be' - Chapter 2

It is often said that 'you realize a mom's outlook only when you become one'; I am about to be one soon but still am unable to comprehend the level of selflessness that she can exhibit. Mothers toil beyond their physical and emotional stamina to ensure their child is happy, healthy, safe and successful. Their contentment lies in the peaceful sleep their children get, the fulfilling cheer their children radiate, the praise,victory, promotion their children achieve; all that is possessed by their children is somehow gained and celebrated by mothers.

Like any other growing kid, there had been times when I was so angered with my mom that I, foolishly, even dedicated some lyrical laments to her ! But that or anything else could never defy the love flowing in our veins for each other. My mapa have always meant world to me, and my pregnancy has reaffirmed that if I am any good or capable of anything from being a worker, wife or women, its all their achievement. I mean mirror to them, and they have put their sweat and blood to ensure the best possible reflection

During my entire pregnancy, I have had a concrete support from mapa who made sure that while being a good wife, I was always comfortable, eating right, exercising well, medically fit and happy to serve the best gestation period; having heard and read varied pregnancy challenges that people face, I wonder how it were to be pregnant without mom living with me, as truly speaking I had none. Its not that we never had arguments or disagreements on what would be right for the baby or even the child' future, but now when I silently rethink about those discussions I thank mom for all the perspectives she knowingly or unknowingly imparted.

Its embarrasing as well as amazing to realize that at times, unknowingly, we do emotionally violate our parents, but the unmistakable confidence in their upbringing never makes them look down upon us.

I always knew and acknowldged that if there was a recipe to cook the person/being/thinker I am, it would have 60% of my mom, 30% of my dad and only 10% of rest of the world, yet I doubt if I can ever be even an iota of the Godliness resplendent in mommy to this 'mom-to-be' !

'Mom-to-be' in Me - Chapter 1

Each human has DNA so long that could uncoil up till Pluto and back, nerve cells that need 3000 years to be counted, yet all this and much more is created in a small womb in a time span of merely 9 months, like a bleep in universe. Though reproducing is natural for every living creature on the planet, yet each being senses a uniqueness for oneself. I too have my own unique little journey traversed so far.

November 2016 saw us complete 5 tangy wedlocked years filled with thrills and frills, we had checked many adventurous trips, tasks and travels in our bucket list, and now it was time to take a break and get into wordly matters for next some years. After a perfect celebration of our 5th anniversary at Anadaman and Nicobar, we took the conscious decision to take the leap of parenthood. One fine day in the next few months, I had 2 paralleled positive lines on pregnancy test kit, we were bestowed with the tiny marvel of a sprouting life in my womb.

I have always been astonished by babies for the package of miracles they are, but never have I had the courage to be playful with them; for the fear of responsibilities they impose, to be handled with care, to not to be taught wrong, to be respected yet restricted, to pamper yet discipline; children translated complications to me. And here I am today, counting days to hug and cuddle my own bundle of complexities.

Tiny socks that should not itch; small caps that should not tickle; cot-&-crib that should be comfortable; diapering that should not trouble; clothes that should be easy to put on; such is my browsing trail these days. Reading babycare blogs, sanitizing each corner of house, nesting and shopping for the baby, are coming naturally to me. Being in 9th month of pregnancy my only agenda these days is to be ready for the new human being I am soon to give birth to !

Andamans Diaries

The Arrival

“Like all great travelers, I remember more than I have seen and I have seen more than I remember’: such is what I became after my last holiday.

We were to complete half a decade of our marriage and making it a memory was the agenda. There were many options, a 2 days’ resort stay, 4 days to Egypt, dinner with family & friends, but instead we rekindled our 2years old plan decided to go to Archipelago of Indian subcontinent. Having toured with many agencies earlier, we chose the most reliable and customized package providers, AnN Holidays – Andamans and Nicobar for Ajita and Nisheeth. So yes we made our own itinerary, decided our commute, booked our hotels, and bought the flight tickets. Having done it all ourselves, I assure you that it is a pure adrenaline rush to plan and book a holiday to a place that you and your sources have never been to! Overcoming all the differences, difficulties and deviations in due course of time, we finally were all packed and ready to depart for airport at 10pm of Friday night on 04^th Nov 2016.

In those last some hours, we somehow felt the need of checking the days’ weather conditions at islands. Speculating a hot weather, we grabbed our phone and asked, “hey Siri! How’s the weather in Andamans and Nicobar today?’, came the reply, “mostly cloudy with intermediate rains and thunderstorms”.

With only 3hrs to leave home, while reconsidering our bookings, cancellations, charges, we called our Hotel manager in the islands to enquire; Mr. Kannan assured us of “normal normal weather madam” and so we decided to move ahead. There were some apprehensions involved with trip to Andamans & Nicobar Islands; it has a very tragic history in Indian fight for Independence, it has had a devastating catastrophe during the Christmas Tsunami -2004 and we had a trip cancelled in 2014 too! But this year was different, we were completing 5years of our marriage and were determined to make it big, so riding our cab we reached Indira Gandhi International Airport at 0230am to board our flight at 0520am.

Our flight was flanked with some sleep, some fear of weather conditions and lot of excitement. Finally, at 1000am we landed on damp runway of Vir Savarkar Airport. I had just stopped raining and was an overcast all around. We were catch a ferry at 1030, so immediately rushed into the cab and reached the jetty (all our govt ferry bookings were pre-done by our Hotel Manager Mr. Kannan and Tickets were handed to us by the driver). It was the first time I saw so may ships anchored in their full glory, some aging in the sparkling waters and other shining bright like fresh arrivals. But our arrival at jetty in Port Blair was not about my awe for the harbor or the ship, instead standing the vast expanse without any shed we were foreseeing our colorful beach side holiday dreams getting washed by the weather.

Journey Continues (05^th Nov 2016)

Next 2hours and half were to be spent in lap of ‘Rani Laxmi’, the govt ferry that was to take us from Port Blair to Neil Islands. This aging ferry had split ACs and pedestal fans tied and taped to walls and poles of the seating area and surprisingly worked just fine for their purpose. The seats were comfortable and the small glass peep holes close to the ceiling gave view of never ending ocean on both sides of the ferry. In such interesting surroundings, our tired bodies drenched in rains were only helping us to speculate how would we save and still enjoy our rainy days in Andamans. Half asleep and half anxious, we were sailing through the seas when finally hooting of our ferry indicated that the days’ travel was to end soon, and we were to step on the port of Neil Island. Following the crowd, we joined the queue to step up and out in the open and brave the weather, and as we did we were astonished!

The sun was shining bright in the freshly washed skies, the waters were being made sparkle by rays of the Sun and there were people doing water skiing and driving water scooters all around. That very moment made us forget our 10hrs of sleepless tiresome journey and filled us with spirit to soak up the Sun till it was shining bright. So while on our way to resort, we covered as many scenic sites as possible; we took a small trek to the natural rock bridge called Howrah Bridge, and then drove through the beautiful tropical countryside, finally reaching the Pearl Park Beach resort; quickly changed into dry clothes, ordered lunch and right when we were discussing to walk to Laxmangarh Beach, it rained or instead poured heavily.

With no option left, we lent umbrellas from hotel reception, and walked back in to our warm, dry, comfortable bed of the hotel room. I think it was hardly 15min in bed and I was sleeping already, dreaming of a sunny beachside. Suddenly Nisheeth desperately got out of bed saying, “I have not come here to sleep! Will walk out anyway." I was not at all in mood to wet another set of clothes, so while I was thinking about damp clothes and soaked sandals, Nisheeth opened the door, and it opened like a lid of surprise box, that showed us gleaming Sun once again. I jumped out of bed, picked the umbrella, held Nisheeth’ arm and was ready to walk in the Sun.

Flanked with the beautiful, long, lush green trees, the path to beach was almost a tropical forest that suddenly held itself back to a white pristine sandy beach. What a scene it was! I was not sure what was more beautiful, the green reverse-horse-shoe like forest behind me or the never ending blue ocean in front with virgin beach beneath my feet. Being there made me realize what romantic meant and felt. I was happy and contented, like I found my heaven, my peace, with Nisheeth on my side. Next some hours until late we were on the beach, then on a view point, just sitting, smiling, breathing in the ocean air and taking pictures. This was exactly what we had come for, to be calm and do nothing but celebrate each other. These few hours were the most poetic moments of my life so far. I was happy to have completed 5 years with my man, and cherishing to continue the journey together, forever.

Neil Island – In and Beyond (06^th Nov 2016)
The day of our 5^th marriage anniversary started early. Treasuring the togetherness, we took a romantic morning stroll around the beautiful resort, captured our final hours around and checked out from Pearl Park Beach Resort. At around 8am we were on the main beach of Neil Island, Bharatpur Beach, where the real action was. Amongst other options available, we booked for scuba diving for one and glass bottom boat ride for one. I was the one who was to dive, while Nisheeth chose the more relaxing option of staying above the ocean and enjoying birds eye view of sea bed.

 Though it was the second time I would dive, having done it in Bali earlier, I needed Nisheeth to accompany me on boat to the site till I got into the water, as I did have a hint of anxiety somewhere in me. After a small brief about diving, signaling, instructions, SOS guidelines, taking a deep breath I plunged head first in the ocean, practiced some breathing and normalizing, and then was taken to the heaven beneath. I do not have pictures of this dive, but the memories are ever so outlandish. It was not just the fish, it was everything, the soft sea bed, the school of fish playing around, the oh so alive corals and some mysterious looking colorful creatures in clear ocean. I was so comfortable deep down there, like I almost belonged there, though the pressure was hitting my ears on-and-off, yet the beauty around made me quickly puff the pressure out, like it was something I did daily to stay inside. The charismatic play of ocean life lasted for some 20-30 minutes, and it was time to be back up to my hubby. I came to him only to realize that that he had already taken a dip and done some snorkeling.  Oh it did feel good to breathe through nostrils again, but I was already missing the magic of ocean around me.

While we were thinking that our boat will turn around, our team of India Scuba Explorers had a plan to stay instead, so they made us take another boat to beach, and voila! It was a glass bottom boat ride to the beach. Having been inside already I was amazed to see how clean the water was that I could see and recognize the same corals from top too! On reaching the beach we were even refunded the money for booked glass bottom boat ride as the experience was already enjoyed(registration desk not knowing about our return).

It was not even midday and we already had had a very happy anniversary so far! We still had some more time to feel the tranquil of this beautiful beach, to sit, to lie down and to take plenty pose-y pictures. The time flew fast and soon we boarded the ferry2 to Havelock, the largest island of Ritchie’s’ Archipelago.

  

Heartlock at Havelock (06^th Nov 2016)

The day continued to be balmy and welcoming as we arrived at Havelock jetty. We had already done so much that our hunger pangs directly took us to nearby eatery called ‘Barefoot Bar and Brasserie’, where with the site of sunny ocean, sitting on classic woody table, we relinquished our tropical drinks and Israeli food, with pleasure! Next was to reach our resort and give ourselves some well-deserved rest, as evening was already planned to be lavish.

Havelock Beach Island resort was the place we stayed at and by around 7pm we were chauffered to Munjoh Resort for our beachside, candlelit, 5 course personalized Anniversary dinner. It was a cloudy night and so was dark as stars and moon were hidden, but the arrangement of camp on beach with candles and lamps around us, romance was in the air. Sitting hand-in-hand, listening to some of our favorite music, enjoying tasty sea food, we remembered and rekindled the 5years of our beautifully evolving bond. Off-course all the time was not rosy, but the sours were what made sweets even more special; there is nothing like a perfect marriage, but there definitely is a balanced happy one, and ours is just that. Holding hands, greeting the contentment in each other’s eyes, we concluded our 5years that day; with many more dreams to fulfill together.

Beach Hopping at Havelock (07^th Nov 2016)

As we woke up the next morning, our agenda was scooter ride to sites, beach sides and food bites. So we rented a scooter, fueled it up and started our day’s expedition to explore the gems of heavenly Havelock Island.

The green hillocks on both sides of road, fresh breeze from lush green forests, and happy islander children, made us forget the bumpy roads we were riding on. We took turns to drive and the ride was flanked with many stop overs and diversions. We even trekked to the crowded Elephant beach through marshy forest. We had taken a guide for the trek and trying to be chatty, I asked this young boy if he had ever been outside these islands, he said ‘Kolkata, it's a beautiful place to see but people are not very nice’. I further asked if he would go or live outside, to which he replied, “no, if I can instead stay here forever”. I was amazed with his content; there is hardly any riches in Havelock, but happiness factor is definitely very high. Struggling through the marsh, laughing through our slippery trek, arrival at beach was scenic as expected. First a natural stream of water washed our feet, then some dried trees and logs gave us astounding picture frames, and finally sea of people at sea side pepped our spirits. The place is so protected that one only gets fresh fruits and veggies to eat. No plastics and no disposables, not even packaged drinking water is available here. After spending enough time at this crowded beach (and getting into and out of a small fight on my missing some photographic moments), we tightened our belts, warmed ourselves up to once again cross the muddy, marshy, slippery forest to hit the road for our next site.

Braving through the trek, we once again grabbed our scooter and started moving ahead; next destination was Asia’s second most beautiful beach, Radhanagar Beach. The afternoon went by playing in the sea, trying to grab the waves, holding each other against small tides and being monitored for safety by lifeguards. As the afternoon folded, it was time for the awaited sunset at Radhanagar.  Suddenly we realized that there were hundreds of people on this vast semicircular beach to witness the surreal sunset. Captured in our memories and pictures are the moments worth losing our hearts for.

As the dusk fell, it was time for us to drive back to town and hunt for some exotic food. So after a lot of exploration, we reached this place called ‘Something Different – a beachside cafe’ (if at Havelock, a meal or two here is a must). The food, the ambience and hospitality you get here would warm your heart, satiate your taste buds and make the experience absolutely unforgettable.

Thus concluded another beautiful day at the Island and last at Havelock. We were to leave for Port Blair the next morning at 10am, so our sore bodies slept tight in cozy beds of our resort.

Homage and Humility – Port Blair (08^th Nov 2016)

Though we had thought to wake up early and pay a small visit to Kala Patthar Beach, our tired bodies instead chose to sleep a little more and made us directly head to Havelock Jetty to board the ‘Green Ocean’ ship to Port Blair (nevertheless I bought some amazing spices and fresh tamarind on way). Our plan was to reach Port Blair, have comforting food at some beautiful resort, visit the Cellular Jail, and head back to airport to catch our flight to home; so exactly we did!

It is worth mentioning here, that Cellular Jail is not just a memorial but a temple to pay homage to our heroes of freedom struggle. Every corner, every article kept in jail makes us realize that todays’ heaven called ‘Andamans’ was once a hell called ‘Kaala Paani’, named so after Sanskrit word ‘Kaal’  meaning ‘death’. Our hearts were filled with humility for the brave hearts of the men who fought for our free lives by giving away theirs.

I would not get into details of what we saw or what the Cellular Jail has on show, but the feeling it gives, leaves us with a lesson of selflessness for lifetime; recommending you all to visit cellular jail the last when at islands, it will soothe you down and make you love and respect your lives even more!

And so my Andamans Diaries concludes, hope you share yours sometime too.

Aaj mann kiya ki sabse naraaz ho jaaun

Us thandi chanchal hawa k jhoke se,

Jisne mere kaagaz uda diye;

Us chamakti deepak ki lau se,

Jisne andhere k sukoon ko cheer diya;

Mere bachpan ki pyaari si gudiya se,

Jisne mujhe bade ho jaane ka ehsaas karaa diya;

Mere ladakpan k us suhaane gaaane se,

Jisne kuchch sapno ko fir se yaad dila diya;

Maa ki pyaari si thapki se,

Jisne ab zimmedaar hone ka samay dikha diya;

Papa k us laad se,

Jisne mujhe fir se bachchi ho janey ko lalchaa diya;

Yaaron ki us tasveer se,

Jisne mujhe sachcha yaaranaa dikhaa diya;

Doston ki us hansi se,

Jisne unse milne ko tadpaa diya;

Ghar par rakkhey us paudhey se,

Jisne phoolon ka intezaar karaa diya;

Rasoi k choolhe se,

Jisne tumhaare liye banaayi roti ko tha jalaa diya;

Sheeshe mein meri parchhai se,

Jisne mere sajne ko fizool bataa diya;

Darwaaze ki ghanti se,

Jisne tumhaare na aane ka sach dikha diya;

Man kiya ki aaj sabse naraaz ho jaaun,

Sab se lad jaaun, Sab se rooth jaaun;

Na hansu, na gaaun,

Thoda ro loon, thoda chillau;

Aaj us jhoothi muskaan ko bhool jaaun,

Man kiya ki aaj sabse naraaz ho jaaun.